[Va- o-/ Wa- o-/ Xa- o-/ Ya- o-/ Za- o-]
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. --Rodney Dangerfield
"What four letters frighten a thief?" "O, I C U!"
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. --Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. --Mark Twain (1835-1910)
When I was told that by the year 2100 women would rule the world, I replied ‘Still?’ --Sir Winston (Leonard Spencer) Churchill (1874-1965)
Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies. --Gore Vidal (1925-)
Why is it that your feet smell and your nose runs?
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. --Gloria Steinem (1934-)
"Woman, without her man, is nothing." "Woman, without her, man is nothing."
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. --Robert (Lee) Frost (1874-1963)
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. --Snoopy --Charles (Monroe) Schulz (1922-2000): Peanuts
Yesterday's the past and tomorrow's the future. Today is a gift--which is why they call it the present. --Bill Keane
"You must not eat fast." "You must not eat. Fast."
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But as soon as we returned he started using the most horrible language, I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!" "Calm down!" her mother said, "Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" The bride said, "Words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook, ...."
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note. Romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves, and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:
I chose these .... If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones which are easy to remove. I had her try yours on and she looked smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them Friday night.
All My Love,
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
"Your overcoat is rather loud." "It's all right when I put on a muffler."